In the meantime, let me say that I am feeling better. Let me also say that I appreciate all the people who checked on me. It is good to know you have not been forgotten when you are down and out. It is even better to get back into the swing of things after having been out of circulation for a few days.
While laying low and recuperating, I did have some time to surf the web. As I did, I came across the following humorous piece that purports (obviously in jest) to offer some of the more ridiculous excuses shared by people for missing a day of work. Enjoy these...
EXCUSES FOR MISSING A DAY OF WORK
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax pills in addition to my Prozac. I can't get too far from the restroom; but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up copy of the paper. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?!
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Grocery King.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite people when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
I am converting from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am extremely sensitive to the fluctuation in the stock market.
I refuse to travel to my job in the Business District until there is a commuter tax because I insist on paying my fair share.
In Proverbs 17:22, the Bible says that “a merry heart is good medicine”. If this is the case, and I beleive it is, then perhaps this little piece will have helped you feel better today, as it did me.
(Just remember, though, to take these excuses with a grain of salt. I would not recommend actually trying to use any of them yourself. If you do, the outcome might not be near so humorous, at least not to your boss.)