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"Helping Others Communicate"

SHORT MEMORY

9/27/2012

 
John Russell tells the following story:  A young minister was listening to a seasoned minister's sermon, when the congregation was beginning to lose interest.  The older minister quickly gained everyone's attention when he blurted out, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife…" He paused for effect; then said, "…and that woman was my mother!"

The young minister made a mental note of the attention-getting device.  Later, when he was preaching, the congregation started evidencing boredom.  He then loudly declared, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife..." 

At this time, old ladies' mouths dropped open, old men woke up, and everyone stared wide-eyed in amazement.  He had everyone's attention; but the shock made his mind go blank. He stuttered.  He stumbled.  He fiddled.  And finally, he said, "And for the life of me, I just can't remember who she was."*


Unfortunately, this particular story, which I first heard years and years ago, now no longer has the ring of humor to it.  Why is that?  It is because we live in a day and age where infidelity and immorality abound.  And sadly, this is true both outside and inside of the church. Thus, the humor of this story is lost in the fact that it actually reflects more of the norm than the exception in human behavior.

This past Sunday morning, we looked at the Apostle Paul’s admonition for followers of Jesus Christ to be above any such behavior.  Indeed, he actually says in I Corinthians 5:11 that Christians should not knowingly associate with people who willfully and intentionally behave in such ways:  “…you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral”. 

Why does Paul take this harsh stance?  Because he knows the damage we do to ourselves, to our loved ones, and above all, to our Lord when we choose to behave in impure and immoral ways.  Let's be honest:  few sins are as devastating to the cause of Christ as is public scandal over sexual immorality – and this is equally true for both those in the pulpit and those in the pew.  May we all commit afresh and anew that we will dedicate ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in this area as in all other areas of our lives.

For as Paul says later in this same book (I Corinthians 6:13-20): “…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body...  Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?  Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?  For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.' But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with Him in spirit.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.  Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.”

Amen!

*SOURCE: 
http://jrcministries.org/jokes/i_church.html. 

JUST WHO IS THIS?!

9/23/2012

 
This past Sunday morning, we talked about the importance of having integrity as a child of God.  This is especially true as we live out our lives in full view of others.  Our walk must match our talk.  If not, we do detriment to the kingdom of God.  And this is often done even in the simplest of ways.

Consider the story of the woman who was sitting at a stop light one morning…

The man in front of a woman sitting at a stop light one morning was going through papers on the seat of his car, and when the light changed to green, he did not proceed through the light as he should have.  “You know”, the woman behind him thought, “a green light is a commandment - NOT a suggestion!” 

When the light turned to red, and he had still not moved, she began (with her windows up) screaming epithets, cursing, beating on my steering wheel, and making obscene hand gestures .


These expressions of distress were interrupted by a policeman, gun drawn, tapping on her window. Against her protestations of, "You can't arrest me for hollering in my car!", he ordered her into the back seat of his patrol car.

After about two hours in a holding cell, the arresting officer advised her that she was free to go.  She stormed out at him, "I knew you couldn't arrest me for yelling in my own car. You haven't heard the last of this."       

The officer replied, "Ma’am, I didn't arrest you for shouting and gesticulating in your car. I was directly behind you at the light. I saw you screaming and beating your steering wheel, and I said to myself, "What a jerk. But there is nothing I can do to her for throwing a fit in her own car."

"Then I noticed the 'Cross' hanging from your rear view mirror, the bright yellow 'Choose Life' license tag, the 'Jesus is Coming Soon' bumper sticker, and the Fish symbol on your trunk, and I thought surely you must have stolen the car!"


What does your daily deportment say about your relationship with Jesus?  Do you give indication that He is indeed the Lord of your life?  Or do you send mixed signals by undercutting your testimony with your behavior?

SOURCE: This piece is available in various versions on multiple internet sites.  The basis of this version is: 
http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Cops/In_God_We_Trust.shtml.

BUSINESS MEETINGS

9/19/2012

 
I’ve been away for a few days in Nashville at some Denominational Board Meetings.  For those who have never had the privilege of attending any, these meetings can be sort of like an extended two to three day Church Business Meeting.   While they are necessary, and often deal with important issues affecting our corporate religious life, they can also, at times, get somewhat tedious.

During one of the less inspiring moments of this past week, my mind was wandering  as I was reflecting on some of the stories told by Jerry Clower, the popular comedian of a generation ago, who's work I referenced in my message this past Sunday.

In his book titled Stories from Home, he shared many of the stories he had told over the years.  One particular story that came to my mind was about his Uncle Versie Ledbetter, who was a Deacon at the East Fork Church.  It seems that…

One time they called a deacons' meeting at the East Fork Church. Uncle Versie Ledbetter was up in years, and he didn't go to many of the deacons' meetings no more because he thought the young folks, them about fifty and sixty, could take care of the church business.

But he got word they was fixing to spend some money, and he got
Newgene, his grandson, to take him over to the church house in a mule and wagon for the deacons' meeting.

The deacons got in a big discussion about buying a chandelier for the church. A man said, "I move, sir, that we buy a chandelier for the church."

Another deacon said, "I second the motion."  The moderator said, "Is there any discussion?"

Uncle Versie Ledbetter said, "Sir, I would like to speak. I want all of you to know that if we gonna buy a chandelier, there ain't no­body in our church got enough education that, when we order it from Sears and Roebuck, they could even spell it."

"Then if we ordered the
chandelier, when it got here, there's nobody here in our church that knows how to play it."

"And what I'm concerned about is we don't need to spend this money on no chandelier as bad as we need lights in the church."*


Well, the good news is that it didn’t get near this bad in any of our meetings.  For the most part, we had both informed discussions and a unity of spirit as we made decisions together. 

As we deliberated, though, we did address some issues that will impact (and hopefully enhance) our ability as a Denomination to reach our world for Christ.  Certainly, that was our desire.  Pray this will be the case.

I would also ask that you please join me in praying for the work of our faithful Denominational employees.  They are devoted servants of our Lord who often labor in obscurity; but who nonetheless use their talents to His glory and honor on a daily basis.

*SOURCE:
http://books.google.com/books?id=UHPmigZlIccC
&pg=PA74&lpg=PA74&dq=jerry+clower+chandelier+church&
source=bl&ots=kMywhG_b0m&sig=WokLrDcBMCU80fAtYQV7
wDDAdeQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=xGdaUMO2MJOc8wTzYDYBw&ved
=0CD8Q6AEwBQ#v=onepage&q=jerry%20clower20chandelie
r%20church&f=false
.  Go to page 74.

GRANDMA'S HAM

9/17/2012

 
Wayne Rice tells the story of two young newlyweds who were preparing to enjoy their first baked ham dinner in their new apartment…

After unwrapping the meat and setting it on the cutting board, the wife chopped off both ends of the ham with a butcher knife, tossing the two small ends in the garbage can.

"Wait a minute," said the mystified husband. "Why did you do that? Why did you just cut off the ends of the ham like that?" "I don't know. My mother always did," answered the wife. "Maybe it helps bring out the flavor."

Unsatisfied with this answer, the husband called his mother-in-law. "Can you tell me why you cut the two ends off of a ham before you cook it?" "Well," said the mother, "I'm not really sure why. That's just the way my mother did her ham, and it was always delicious."

As soon as he hung up he called his wife's grandmother. "Grandma, we have an important question for you. Can you tell us why you cut the ends off of a ham before you cook it?" "Oh my yes, dear," answered Grandma in her quiet, thin voice. "I cut the ends of the ham off so it would fit in my pan."*

This story speaks volumes about how traditions trap us and keep us from experiencing all that God originally intended for us.  Sometimes, it is important to examine why we do the things we do; and whether or not they are beneficial.

It is also important to make certain that we do not develop bad traditions to begin with.  The Apostle Paul witnessed a bad tradition developing in the church at Corinth with regard to the way they were celebrating the Lord’s Supper in I Corinthians 11:20-34.  He boldly challenged the Corinthian Christians to correct their bad habits before they became ingrained in their tradition:

  20 When you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat, 21 for as you eat, each of you goes ahead without waiting for anybody else. One remains hungry, another gets drunk. 22 Don’t you have homes to eat and drink in? Or do you despise the church of God and humiliate those who have nothing? What shall I say to you? Shall I praise you for this? Certainly not!

23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.

27 Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord. 28 A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup. 29 For anyone who eats and drinks without recognizing the body of the Lord eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30 That is why many among you are weak and sick, and a number of you have fallen asleep.

31 But if we judged ourselves, we would not come under judgment. 32 When we are judged by the Lord, we are being disciplined so that we will not be condemned with the world.
  33 So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for each other. 34 If anyone is hungry, he should eat at home, so that when you meet together it may not result in judgment.

Indeed, we would all do well to reflect upon how we approach the Table of our Lord during Communion, and to make certain that we have examined ourselves and are not partaking unworthily.  It is better to be judged by ourselves and to make any necessary changes than to be judged by our God and suffer His discipline.

*SOURCE: 
http://www.montereyfwb.org/Soul-Grandma.htm

COUNTRY ROADS, TAKE ME PLACES

9/13/2012

 
For my part, I take a lot of ribbing here in East Tennessee for being from Georgia. But I like to tell everyone, “Hey, at least I’m not from West Virginia!” That tongue-in-cheek remark is directed at Ron Jordan, our Church Executive, who is from West Virginia.  This coming Sunday, our church will recognize Ron for ten years of consecutive and faithful service. He is a valuable asset to our church.  We love and appreciate him for all he does. 

Today, I thought I would post a short piece I have received several times from various church members.  It is the story of another individual who came from the hills of West Virginia.  It is the inspiring story of a man named Jesse.

Jesse hated this job. And you would too.  Imagine if you had to do it.  Jesse was a chicken plucker.  That's right.  He stood on a line in a chicken factory and spent his days pulling the feathers off dead chickens so the rest of us wouldn't have to.  It wasn't much of a job.  But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.  His father was a brute of a man.  His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill and had treated Jesse rough all of his life.

Jesse's older brother wasn't much better.  He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up.  Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia.  Life was anything but easy.  And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.  That's why he was standing in this chicken line, doing a job that very few people wanted.

In addition to all the rough treatment at home, it seems that Jesse was always sick. Sometimes it was real physical illness; but way too often it was all in his head.  He was a small child, skinny and meek.  That sure didn't help the situation any.  When he started to school, he was the object of every bully on the playground.

He was a hypochondriac of the first order.  For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something to be looked forward to.  But, he had dreams. He wanted to be a ventriloquist.  He found books on ventriloquism. He practiced with sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars until he could get a real ventriloquist dummy.

When he got old enough, he joined the military.  And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms persisted, the military did recognize his talents and put him in the entertainment corp.  That was when his world changed.  He gained confidence.  He found that he had a talent for making people laugh, and laugh so hard they often had tears in their eyes.  Yes, little Jesse had found himself.

You know, folks, the history books are full of people who overcame a handicap to go on and make a success of themselves; but Jesse is one of the few I know of who didn't overcome it. Instead he used his paranoia to make a million dollars, and then to become one of the best-loved characters of all time in doing so!

Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac who transferred his nervousness into a successful career, still holds the record for the most Emmy Awards given in a single category.  The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian who brought us Mayberry Deputy Barney Fife was none other than Jesse Don Knotts.  And now you know "THE REST OF THE STORY".  There is a street named for him and his statue in Morgantown, West Virginia, his place of birth.*

I would add that there is also a place for him in most every American heart today.  Thank you, Don Knotts, for taking the hard road to success - out of West Virginia and into our hearts and lives.  Thank you also, Ron Jordan, for doing pretty much the very same thing.  You, too, have brought much joy into our hearts and lives.

*Source:  Available widely on the internet.  The phrase “The Rest of the Story” makes this piece appear as if originated with famed broadcaster Paul Harvey. I own copies of all of Paul Harvey’s Rest of the Story books, and cannot find “The Dreamer and His Dream” (the common internet title for this piece) in any of them. However, Harvey recorded hundreds of “Rest of the Story” broadcasts and one cannot assume each and every one of them made it into print.  

Nonetheless, no one seems to deny the essential validity of this piece.  By and large, the material presented does appear to match the known facts of Knotts' life.  Note:  A wonderful resource on Paul Harvey himself, including audio copies of a great many of his broadcasts, can be found at: 
http://www.paulharveyarchives.com/index.htm.

FINDING OUR WAY

9/10/2012

 
Walter B. Knight was a master Christian communicator of a generation ago.  Some of the illustrations he used are just timeless.  One which I told this past Sunday morning has to do with this business of our attempting to force God to abide by our will rather than our abiding by His will.  Here is the story:

There was once an old Scottish woman who went from home to home across the countryside selling thread, buttons, and shoestrings. When she came to an unmarked crossroad, she would toss a stick into the air and go in the direction the stick pointed when it landed.

One day, however, she was seen tossing the stick up several times. "Why do you toss the stick more than once?" someone asked. "Because," replied the woman, "it keeps pointing to the left, and I want to take the road on the right."


What makes this illustration so timeless is the fact that everyone can relate to it.  We have all been guilty of trying to force the hand of God.  One true mark of a disciple of Jesus Christ is that, however, is that he or she will be completely submissive to the will of God. 

This was true of Jesus, Who prayed to the Father in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42), “Not my will, but yours be done."  It must also be true of all who profess to follow Jesus as their Lord.

Source:  Walter B. Knight’s Sermon Illustrations are considered classics.  Among them are:  Knight's Treasury of Illustrations, Knight's Master Book of New Illustrations, Knights Treasury of 2000 Illustrations, Knight's Master Book of 4000 Illustrations, and many others.  They are readily available online at Amazon and other book store sites.

However, many of Walter B. Knight’s illustrations can be found on the internet via a simple Google search.  For example, this particular story is recorded at: 
http://www.familytimes.net/illustration/Alienated/200207/. 

WHAT'S THAT AGAIN?

9/7/2012

 
Studies indicate that word processors have made us all a little lazy when it comes to written communication.   Spell-checkers and grammar-checkers abound.  Unfortunately, we may have become a little too dependent upon such things. 

It still pays to check one’s work personally before hitting the “send” button on an e-mail or the “publish live” button on one’s blog page.  Want proof?  Just check out these actual headlines that somehow made it into print…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery - Hundreds Dead
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, if you’re thinking, “Did I read that right?” the answer is, “Yep, you sure did!”  Apparently, it pays to proofread!
But what makes this all the more amusing is that these headlines are supposedly written by professionals.  Journalists should rightly be expected not to produce such sloppy work.  They, above all people, should know better. 

When people observe inconsistencies in the lives of Christians, the effect is equally disconcerting.  Just as non-journalists recognize obvious flaws in sloppy proofreading, even so non-believers easily spot hypocrisy in the lives of those of us who profess to be Christians.

As followers of Christ, we must be careful not to undercut His Word by our ways.  As Paul admonished Titus (1:16), we should not claim to know God, and then by our actions, deny Him.  For those who do so are “detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.”

SOURCE:  These and many other funny headlines can be found through a simple Google web search using the words “proofreading” and “lost art”.  Many are actual copies of scanned in newspaper clippings.

WHY I SLEPT IN ON LABOR DAY

9/3/2012

 
I found the following in preparing a message related to Labor Day for this past Sunday morning.  It’s a slightly dated piece as indicated by some of the numbers; but perhaps you can still relate.

For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.  You see…

The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are also 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work:  you and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.  Please get back to work!

Seriously, most Americans are enjoying a day of rest today in celebration of our accomplishments through individual and combined efforts called labor.  As we take this well-deserved holiday, we do so thankful for God’s blessings, for as Psalm 127:1 affirms, “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”

Source:  This and other work related jokes can be found at:
http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=93

TAKE THE BALL!

9/1/2012

 
Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee says that football in the south is akin to a religious experience.  Well, if that be the case, a lot of people are worshipping this weekend. Opening week is finally here and football fans everywhere find themselves in either a state of exultation or of depression as a result of week one.

As we are so focused on football this time of the year, I thought I would post a story I first found years ago in the writings of Paul Powell.  This particular version comes from Rev. Vincent Hefner, Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church, Cherryville, N.C.

It was the final game of the season for a local high school football team. The entire community came out to see their hometown heroes play their arch rivals from across town. Another reason had the fans packed into the high school stadium, Leroy.

Leroy had been on the football team for four years and had never played a down. He practiced hard and was good for the team, and he didn’t seem to mind that he did not play in the games.

The crowd felt differently. They wanted to see Leroy get in the game, at least once before he graduated from high school.

When the fourth quarter was about over and just a few minutes were remaining the coach called for Leroy to come and stand by his side. The crowd went wild! The home team had the ball on the opposition’s 5 yard line. It was then that the coach called out the star running back and sent in Leroy. The crowd went ballistic chanting, Give the ball to Leroy!

The coach called, 22 Dive with a wiggle! which means, give the ball to Leroy to run behind the center. The defense lined up on the ball but the offense never broke huddle. Within a few seconds the referee blew his whistle and tossed his flag, Delay of Game, Offense, Five yards, repeat first down.

The coach sent in the same play, 22 Dive with a wiggle. By now you know what that means. The crowd was screaming, Give the ball to Leroy, Give the ball to Leroy! The referee blew the whistle for the game clock to start. The defense lined up on the ball, but the offense never broke huddle.

The crowd was screaming at the top of their lungs, Give the ball to Leroy! The referee reluctantly blew his whistle and threw another flag, Delay of Game, Offense! Again, the defense lined up on the ball, and as usual the offense did not break their huddle. Another flag, Delay of game on the offense.

Finally the quarterback called time out and walked to the middle of the field and took off his helmet. He motioned to the crowd to get quiet, cupped his hands around his mouth and said, Leroy said he doesn’t want the ball!

Spiritually speaking, many Christians will not take up the ball and do what they have been trained to do for Christ. It is easier to practice, cheer, stand on the sidelines and watch, but many don’t want to actually do anything that honors God. Some are afraid of making others angry, or being criticized. Is anything keeping you from doing what God has called you to do?

Remember, don’t give in to sin. Think about it!

SOURCE:
http://www.gastongazette.com/articles/leroy-169
85-ball-crowd.html
.  Paul Powell’s two joke books are here:  http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php?id=146507 and http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/
document.php/66830.pdf
.

    Cleo E. Jackson, III

    Occasionally I will add
    a few thoughts to my blog. If you find them inspirational, I will be
    honored.

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