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DONE

3/29/2013

I thought it would be appropriate today to post one more Easter story from famed Radio Commentator Paul Harvey. It is commonly referred to as “Paul Harvey’s Easter Story”, and sometimes called simply “The Story of the Birds”.

There once was a man named George Thomas, a pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Several eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak.

"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright.

I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there son?"

"Just some old birds," came the reply.

"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.

"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."

"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do then?"

"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."

The pastor was silent for a moment. "How much do you want for those birds, son?"

"Huh??!!!  Why, you don't want them birds, Mister? They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing -- they ain't even pretty!"

"How much?" the pastor asked again. The boy sized up the pastor as if  he were crazy and said, "$10?" The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill.

He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone.

The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free.

Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story. One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.

"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em
all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus
asked.

"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you!!  You don't want those people!!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your tears, and all your blood." Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

The pastor picked up the cage; he opened the door; and he walked from the pulpit.

*SOURCE: http://easter.spike-jamie.com/birds.html. Also, YouTube has an actual audio version of Paul Harvey telling this story at:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKCEWxVs
OEo.

THE EMPTY EGG

3/27/2013

I have a confession to make.  I really miss Paul Harvey.  Like so many people, I used to look so forward to listening to his twice daily News and Comment radio broadcasts. I especially loved to listen to his “The Rest of the Story” radio programs. I also have a collection of his books.

This being Holy Week, I thought I would post one of his more memorable stories.  It comes with acknowledgement to a certain Rev. Harry Pritchett Jr., then Director of All Saints Episcopal Church in Atlanta, who is said to have called Mr. Harvey’s attention to a boy named Phillip.

So, here it is. I hope you enjoy this, one of Paul Harvey’s Easter Stories…

THE EMPTY EGG

He was nine—in a Sunday School class of eight-year-olds. Eight-year-olds can be cruel.

The third-graders did not welcome Philip to their group. Not just because he was older. He was "different." He suffered from Down's syndrome and its obvious manifestations: facial characteristics, slow responses, symptoms of retardation.

One Sunday after Easter the Sunday school teacher gathered some of those plastic eggs—the kind in which some ladies pantyhose are packaged. Plastic eggs which pull apart in the
middle.

The Sunday school teacher gave one of these plastic eggs to each child.

On that beautiful Spring day each child was to go outdoors and discover for himself some symbol of "new life" and place that symbolic seed or leaf or whatever inside his egg. They would then open their eggs one by one, and each youngster would explain how her find was a symbol of "new life."

So... the youngsters gathered around on the appointed day and put their eggs on a table, and the teacher began to open them.

One child found a flower. All the children "oohed" and "aahed" at the lovely symbol of new life.

In another was a butterfly. "Beautiful," the girls said. And it's not easy for an eight-year-old to say "beautiful."

Another egg was opened to reveal a rock. Some of the children laughed.

"That's crazy!" one said. "How is a rock supposed to be like new life?!?"

Immediately the boy spoke up and said, "That's mine. I knew everybody would get flowers and leaves and butterflies and all that stuff, so I got a rock to be different."

Everyone laughed.

The teacher opened the last one, and there was nothing inside.

"That's not fair!" someone said. "That's stupid!" said another.

The Teacher felt a tug on his shirt. It was Philip. Looking up he said, "It's mine. I did do it. It's empty. I have new life because the tomb is empty."

The class fell silent.

From that day on Philip became part of the group. They welcomed him. Whatever had made him different was never mentioned again.

Philip's family had known he would not have a long life; just too many things wrong with the tiny body. That summer, overcome with infection, Philip died.

On the day of his funeral nine eight-year-old boys and girls confronted the reality of death and marched up to the altar—not with flowers.

Nine children with their Sunday school teacher placed on the casket of their friend their gift of love - AN EMPTY EGG.

Paul Harvey. Good Day.*

(Amen!)

*SOURCE:  This piece is available widely on the internet, and is commonly referred to as "The Story of Phillip". It makes the rounds via e-mail each year around this time.  This particular version came from:   http://www.crochetnmore
.com/phillip.htm.

NOTE: Reverend Harry H. Pritchett, Jr., the originator of the above story used by Paul Harvey, is currently the Pastoral Associate to the Dean of the Cathedral of St. Philip in Atlanta, GA. Before this, he was also the eighth Dean of the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, New York City, from which he retired in 2001, having gone there from All Saints Episcopal Church in Atlanta.

WHO CARES?

3/25/2013

Dr. Bob Brown, Senior Pastor of the First Baptist Church in Dandridge,   Tennessee recently gave a devotional thought before a gathering of the members of the Tennessee Baptist Convention Executive Board, of which he serves as Chairman. He told the story about a day in the life of his family that unfolded several years earlier.

They were at a church picnic that was being held at a public park. When the day was over and it was time to gather their belongings and head for home, he and his wife discovered that his son was missing.   Needless to say, they immediately began searching for him.  Increasingly, with each passing moment, there arose within them that alarming feeling of anxiety that every parent knows in just such a situation.

Eventually, Bob's search led into the shed that contained the men’s restroom. At first glance, all looked clear. Then, he happened to notice that a small latch atop one of the doors was fastened.  He opened the latch along with the door; whereupon, with great relief, he saw his young son staring up at him.  Apparently, another young boy had latched the door shut as a prank.

Though greatly relieved, Bob could not help but ask why his son had not cried out for someone to help him. His reply was simple and straightforward: “Awe, Dad, I knew you’d come for me!” Arm in arm, they walked out together laughing.

Then came Bob’s piercing question. As Christians, we find ourselves in a world full of people who are lost, confused, and in effect, trapped in a cesspool of sin and degradation.  The real questions are these: “Do they know that we are coming for them? Do they know that we care? For that matter, do they even know that we are aware of their plight?”

Like many there at that meeting, I was convicted by his questions. I was reminded that, in Romans 10:14, the Apostle Paul asks some similarly piercing questions: “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?”

I was also reminded that, on a daily basis, I cross paths with people who are in need of a touch from God. Some of these individuals know they are in need; others do not. But whether they are aware of their need for God or not, it is my responsibility as a Christian to be God’s representative to them.

For as the Apostle Paul says, I am one of Christ’s ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20) and I have been charged with the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). If you are a Christian, the same is true for you.

So, whose path will you and/or I cross this week?  Are they in need? Do they know we care? Will we do our part in helping to meet their need?  Will we be Christ’s representatives to them?  Of course, only we can answer these questions.  What matters is how we decide to do so.

NOTE: More information about Dr. Brown can be found at: http://fbcdt.org/homepage/index.php/about-us/meet-our-staff/dr-bob-brown-senior-pastor.

BOARD MEETINGS

3/22/2013

I love the following story told by Bob Phillips in his book titled The Best Ever Book of Good Clean Jokes (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest house Publishers, 1992, p. 29).

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board following the close of the service.

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the Board Members,” explained the minister.

“I know,” said the man. “but if there is anyone was who more bored than I was, then I’d like to meet him.”

For my part, I have been involved in a series of Board Meetings this week. And this is not to imply that I was in any way bored. In fact, I was somewhat intrigued by what all we discussed. You see, the denomination of which I am a part (The Southern Baptist Convention) practices what is known as congregational polity. This means that decision making is largely done from the bottom up as opposed to from the top down.

Each local church is an autonomous body which governs itself, and voluntarily associates with other congregations of like faith and order. These associating churches come together to comprise a state convention of churches, as well as a national convention. In Tennessee, there are over three thousand SBC churches which send messengers once a year for a three day series of meetings to conduct business.

In the meantime, an Executive Board, comprised of representatives from the various churches meets periodically throughout the year to carry on the work of the State Convention. Hence, my recent series of meetings. In truth, it was good to hear reports from the various Missions Organizations, Academies, Colleges, Universities, and Hospitals, as well as Nursing and Children’s Homes.

As we did, we were able to celebrate all the many wonderful things being carried out in the name of Jesus Christ, and especially the lives being changed as a result. And maybe, just maybe, that helps to make up for some of those not so engaging sermons that I and the other ministers participating may have delivered along the way.

NOTE: Phillips’s book is available online at: http://books.
google.com/books?id=DWv_U9b8TToC&printsec=frontcover
&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false

PAYING THE PRICE

3/14/2013

My last post using an illustration from a National Geographic nature video generated a fair amount of feedback, so I thought I would add a similar one today. This illustration comes from a video having to do with wildlife warriors in Botswana.

This west-African nation was apparently one of the few remaining Edens left on the continent with regard to her wildlife. That is, until the poachers showed up in mass about 25 years ago. They would swoop down from the northern border and shoot all manner of wildlife for their meat, hides, horns, or tusks. Then, all too quickly, because Botswana borders Namibia, Zambia, and Zimbabwe all together at one particular point, the poachers would slip across the border into any one of the three nations for immunity.

When the last known Black Rhino in the nation was killed, only to have its horn hacked off and its carcass left to rot, the Botswanan government decided it had to act. Their precious wildlife was fast disappearing, and along with it, due to eco-tourism, a valuable resource for their economy. Thus, they trained and equipped hundreds of military personnel and sent them into the bush. A full scale wildlife war soon erupted.

At first, the poachers had the upper hand. They were obviously well experienced at what they were doing. It took a while for the soldiers to begin to make a dent. But soon, some 2000 metals snares had been reduced to less than 400. Several poachers were caught and jailed, putting them out of business. The animal populations finally began to stabilize. But one particular group in the north of the country seemed particularly hard to catch. They were especially stealthy.

After numerous tries, the authorities were finally able to surprise them at their makeshift camp by swooping in and landing suddenly from a helicopter. The poachers were hopelessly outgunned, and should have given up. Unfortunately, one of them fired at the soldiers, who then opened up with their own semi-automatic weapons in return. It was all over fairly quickly.

The good news is that the authorities were able to shut down this prolific gang of poachers. Horns, tusks, leopard and lion skins, game meat, and the like were all confiscated before they could be spirited away and sold on the black market. It was even discovered how the poachers were able to slip in and out undetected.

They had removed the soles of elephant’s feet and dried them, creating the equivalent of snowshoes which were then fitted over their own shoes. As a result, wherever the gang had been walking, it had always looked like elephant tracks instead.

The bad news is that the poachers had to die as a result. Of course, the soldiers had never intended to kill them, but had little choice once they themselves had been fired upon. It was soon discovered that, in the confusion of the fire fight, one particular poacher had been wounded and had managed to slip away.

The soldiers knew this because he had left not only his shoes but also a blood trail. They first processed the camp, including all the contraband, as well as the bodies. This took some time. Only then did they turn their attention to the poacher who had earlier gotten away.

Their apparent motive in this was that if he did manage to get away and slip back into a neighboring country, he would invariably serve as a major warning and probable deterrent to other poachers. If not, then they knew they could track him down easily enough. Being severely wounded, he stayed out of the brush and on trails, obviously in an attempt to move faster. Because of this, his footprints were quickly detected, overlain by his own blood trail. The soldiers had expected to find this all along.

What they had not necessarily expected to find was what else was on the trail overlaying both his footprints and his blood trail: huge lion prints! As the National Geographic narrator so aptly put it, the hunter had now become the hunted!

And now, for my point… Whenever we do wrong, there will always be a price to pay! The poachers knew all along that they were doing wrong. They knew they were in violation of the law, and that when one willfully violates the law, there will be consequences. It works the same way with God. He tells us in His word (Galatians 6:7-8):   “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”

Whenever we commit sin, we can expect to pay the price for it. God warns all of us in Romans 6:23 that the wages of sin is death. Ever since Genesis 3, when Adam and Eve first sinned against a Holy and Righteous God, we have all lived under the curse of sin. We have all been condemned to spiritual death.

But praise God, there is more to the story. The second half of Romans 6:23 is just as important as the first half, for the whole verse says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 2 Corinthians tells us that “God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ…”

And because of this, Romans 10:13 says that, anyone “who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Specifically, this means that (Romans 10:9-10): “If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”

God is merciful. The gift of His beloved Son proves this. As John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Hence, John also declares (I John 5:12): “Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.” But John chapter three also states (v.36): “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on them.”

God’s offer of grace has been extended. Those who accept it will be pardoned. But those who reject it will most certainly pay a heavy price. It strikes me that if those poachers had simply raised their hands in surrender to human authority, they would still be alive today. They would most certainly have been punished, but not slain.

By resisting, however, they paid a terrible price. Likewise, anyone who surrenders to the authority of Almighty God and the gracious mercy made possible by the sacrificial death of His Son will be given life. But those who do not, who instead raise a fist of defiance to Almighty God and His authority, will pay a terrible price for all eternity.

THE LURE OF DEATH

3/11/2013

To occupy my mind as I exercise each morning, I went on e-Bay recently and bought some National Geographic nature videos. Now I must admit that I am somewhat of a tightwad.  (My children can quote the "Money Don't Grow On Trees" lecture verbatim!) So I purchased the videos in VHS format because they were so much cheaper.

But for something I intend to watch only while exercising, video cassettes will do just fine. What I failed to recognize as I began watching them, however, was the added benefit of finding fitting illustrations for communicating the basic truths of God’s Word.

For instance, one video, from the late 1980’s, had to do with the varied wildlife of Virunga National Park in the eastern part of what is now the Democratic Republic of the Congo along the famed African Rift Valley. This 3,000 square mile park stretches from the Virunga Mountains in the South, to the Rwenzori Mountains in the North, and borders other national parks in both the modern day nations of Rwanda and Uganda. “Virunga”, which is Swahili for “volcano”, was established as Africa's first national park in 1925, and has since been designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site (1979).

While its chief natural attraction is its now expanding population of rare Mountain Gorillas, it also has large concentrations of both Savanna and Forest Elephants, as well as Chimpanzees and Low Land Gorillas, along with Okapi, Giraffes, Forest and Cape Buffaloes, and many endemic bird species.   It even has a resident population of Bambuti Pygmy humans.

What intrigued me most on the video, however, were the volcanos themselves. The mountain slopes are pock-marked with what appear to be sinkholes, most of which are grown over with copious vegetation. In reality, these are the remains of actual volcano cones. The amazing thing is that many of them, while holding abundant water and lush vegetation give the appearance of life; but upon closer examination, one discovers that they are in fact death traps.

They are filled with animal remains, some consisting of entire skeletons long since bleached white, and others of animal remains barely a day old, still almost perfectly intact. The cause? Invisible, undetectable, and utterly deadly carbon dioxide gas. Released in small amounts from the volcanic chambers underneath the mountain, carbon dioxide, which is heavier than air, tends to hug the ground. While wind and the sun’s rays dissipate it in the heat of the day, in the early morning and late evening, it forms in deadly concentrations in the depressions formed by the earlier volcanic cones.

Green grasses and other alluring vegetation grow here vigorously, due to the abundance of carbon dioxide and lack of depletion by the grazing of animals. Why is the vegetation not consumed? Needless to say, herbivores are attracted to the fresh flora, but are quickly asphyxiated by the toxicity of the gas. Predictably, along come other animals, specifically predators, which are no doubt attracted to the dead herbivores. Inevitably, they, too, perish just as quickly. The National Geographic videographers were able to document all of this on film. Needless to say, it is sad indeed to watch animals die so tragically and so unnecessarily.*

How much more, then, is it to watch men and women do the same thing. The Word of God pleads with us not to be allured by the promises of sin. Yet we willfully ignore the warnings in hopes of a good time, an easy meal, a quick score, or a pleasant reward. The Bible does indeed affirm that there is pleasure in sin far a season (Hebrews 11:25). But later on, sometimes sooner and sometimes later, there is a consequence as well. Just ask David after his extramarital affair with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12). Just ask Achan after he stole his bar of gold and goodly raiment (Joshua 7). Just ask Ananias and Sapphira after they told their whopping lie (Acts 5).

Sin always has its consequence. As one preacher from a bygone era was fond of saying, “Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay!” More to the point, as God’s Word says (Numbers 32:23), “Be sure your sin will find you out.” Food for thought the next time you happen upon the alluring promise of a quick and easy meal!

*NOTE: In a similar vein, I once drug my family to the world famous La Brea Tar Pits and the Page Museum in downtown Los Angeles. There, scientists have dug up huge quantities of both predator and prey bones (including entirely intact skeletons). Over many thousands of years, numerous species of prey animals (enormous mastodons,  gigantic mammoths, and immense bison, among others) came to drink at shallow puddles of water on top of the tar, only to find themselves hopelessly entrenched in peril thereafter due to the tar.

In short order, they were then set upon by other ancient beasts (large saber tooth cats, huge cave lions, oversized dire wolves, and massive short faced bears, among lesser predators). In the end, both predator and prey died by the thousands, only to be entombed in the tar pits alongside of each other. And all because each one and every one of them, in turn, heedlessly ignored the warning signs of danger!

PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS

3/7/2013

This past Wednesday, in our mid-week Bible Study, we focused on Genesis 26. This particular chapter contains a record of the Patriarch Isaac and his everyday struggles in life. Most of what he faced in this period of his life are little more than the typical problems we all face daily - ones that arise from the ordinary circumstances of life, and that we might rightfully call “the little foxes that spoil the vine” (Song of Solomon 2:15).

Isaac faced the consequences of both his own shortcomings and his own successes. He also faced struggles without against his neighbors and within among his own family. Of course, in having done so, Isaac is not alone. Each and every one of us are destined to face similar struggles in life.

Moreover, being a follower of Jesus Christ does not make us immune to such problems. In fact, it may only intensify their presence in our lives. Remember, it was Jesus Himself Who said (in John 16:33), “In this world you will have trouble.” However, He immediately completed that thought by adding, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

In the words of Annie J. Flint...

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

So, the next time you feel as though your world is crashing in, remember this great truth from I John 4:4: “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome … because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

Besides, no matter what you are facing, things could always be worse. Witness the poor fellow who received insult on top of injury when he was forced to compose the following letter to an insurance company as part of an ongoing correspondence regarding a worker’s compensation claim.

(According to information posted on the source website [http://www.sweenytod.com/funny/joke11.html], the names of the injured party, his employer, and the insurance company have all been omitted “for obvious reasons”.) Please read on for a good laugh (and perhaps a momentary distraction from the burden of your own struggles in life)…

Dear Sir,

I'm writing in response to your request for additional information. In block #3 of the accident report form I put "Trying to do the job alone" as the cause of the accident. In your letter you said that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details should be sufficient.

I'm a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident I was
working alone on the roof of a new 3 story building. When I
completed my work I discovered I had about 300 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley that was attached to the side of the building at the 3rd floor.

Securing the rope at ground level I went to to the roof swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope while holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the three hundred pounds of bricks.

You will note in block #2 of the accident report form that I
stated I weighed 165 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly I lost my presence of mind and did not let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. In the middle of the second floor I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone.

Slowed down only slightly by the barrel I continued my rapid
ascent, not stopping until my right hand was two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, I retained conciseness and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain and injuries.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom of the barrel broke out. Devoid of the weight of the bricks the barrel weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in box #2. As you might imagine, I began a rather rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the middle of the second floor, I again met the barrel coming up. This accounts for my two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body. This encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks. Fortunately only three vertebrate were cracked.

I'm sorry to report however as I lay there on the bricks, in
pain, unable to stand or move, I lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope. The empty barrel, weighing more than the rope, came back down and broke both of my legs.

I hope I furnished the information that you need to complete the processing of my claim and that you understand how the accident occurred by trying to do the job alone.

NOTE: The historical durability of this humorous piece has been well documented by www.snopes.com. It is worth the time to trace this item in its many incarnations in print. Cf.: http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/bricks.asp.

MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE, PLEASE?

3/4/2013

I shared yesterday morning during our worship services about a particualrly gracious e-mail I recently received. It came from a former staff member who is now serving for the very first time in the role of Senior Pastor at another church. He simply wanted to write and thank our church for all we had done to prepare him for his new role.

Of course, his e-mail reminded me of a similar time in my own life. I was flooded with memories of the time I spent in my first pastorate. Like this young man, I am thankful for all those ministers and churches who collectively invested in me prior to that opportunity. Together, they helped to prepare me for my role as a Senior Pastor. Of course, not everyone is so blessed. For instance, I read recently about one such fellow. It seems…

The new preacher moved his things into his new office and came across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor said, "I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them."

Well, of course the new preacher thought he would never have to use them, but in his youthful enthusiasm, he tried to change the order in which the children marched in during Vacation Bible School. Well, this made the workers absolutely furious; and there was a lot of ugly talk about the new pastor.

He remembered the envelopes and opened the first one. It said, "You haven't been here long, but you decided to make a change in the Vacation Bible School; now everyone is mad. Tell everyone that the former preacher had told you this was how they preferred to do it." So the young preacher did that and it worked well.

He had been there about a year and a half when he tried to change the Deacon position from being a life-long job to a position that rotated annually. Well, this made the Deacons really mad, and they were the ones who made his annual salary recommendation.

So he went back to the drawer and got the second envelope. It read: "You did something to make the Deacons mad and there's talk of replacing you. Tell them this is the official denominational policy, and that you simply thought they wanted to comply; but it really doesn't make you any difference what they do." He tried this; and again it worked great.

You guessed it. After three years, he finally told the Women's Organization that they were going to have to open the kitchen so that it could be used without a representative from the Women's group being present. This put the Women's Organization in open revolt.

So he went back to that third and final envelope and opened it. Here’s what it said: "You've been here about three years and you finally got the Women's Organization mad. The only thing you can do at this point is to prepare three envelopes...”*

*SOURCE: http://javacasa.com/humor/pastor.htm.