Blog Archives

SEEING THINGS CLEARLY

11/28/2011

From time to time, I am asked, “Pastor, you sure do love to pick at Mrs. Vickie from the pulpit. Does she ever get upset with you for picking at her?” My usual response is something along the lines of, “Trust me, I know just how far I can push it!”

You see, I learned a long time ago that there are limits to what a wise husband will say, especially to a wife from Tennessee. To underscore that truth, I thought I would post the following story.

Once upon a time, there were three friends. Each married a woman from the southeastern United States.

The first man married a woman from Alabama. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days; but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and neatly put away.

The second man married a woman from Georgia. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, as well as the dishes and the cooking. The first day, he didn't see any results; but the next day, he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw that the house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man, however, married a girl from Tennessee. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day, he didn't see anything; the second day, he didn't see anything; but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm had also healed enough that he could just manage to fix himself a sandwich, load the dishwasher, and sweep the floors. He still has considerable difficulty when he cranks the lawnmower, though.

And that, my friends, is how and why I learned never (again) to push Mrs. Vickie too far!

IT AIN’T ABOUT ME!

11/25/2011

On this day after Thanksgiving, I have been reflecting on just how good God has been to me. For some reason, I was reminded this morning of the age-old proverb: "I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet!"

In researching the origin of this saying (which I have discovered has been variously attributed to China, Persia, and Russia, among other cultures), I came across the following set of lyrics from a group known as 3LW (3 Little Women)*:

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT ME

Everything always happens to me,
Stuck here in this traffic jam,
Accident on the side of the road,
It's making me late again.

No spaces in the parking lot,
Had to leave it in the safety red zone,
Couldn't of been more than a minute or two,
Came back and the car was towed.

Everytime I go crazy,
When I found little things get me mad,
I then stop and look around and realize,
My life ain't so bad.

Had no new shoes can't complain,
Until I met a man with no feet,
Thought I had nobody to make my house a home,
Until I saw a family living on the street.

I was shattered when you broke my heart,
But at least I got a heart to beat,
Now I finally realize,
It's not all about me!

Got a call about an old girlfriend,
Who kissed her kids and waved goodbye,
She had a real bad habit of taking a sip,
Before she put the car in drive.

Now she’s gone and wound up D.O.A,
Nothing left to say but why,
I had no idea it was her wreck,
I was impatiently trying to get by.

Everytime I go crazy,
When I feel the little things get me mad,
I stop and look around and realize,
My life ain't so bad.

Had no new shoes can't complain,
Until I met a man with no feet,
Thought I had nobody to make my house a home,
Until I saw a family living on the street.

I was shattered when you broke my heart,
But at least I got a heart to beat,
Now I finally realize,
It's not all about me!

The world won't stop revolving,
If I'm having a real bad day,
Sick of feeling sorry,
Join the rain on my parade.

Cause no matter how hard it gets,
Someone's always got it worst,
I can't forget I'm only one of five billion stories...
living on this earth.

Had no new shoes can't complain,
Till I met a man with no feet,
Thought I had nobody to make my house a home,
Till I saw a family living on the street.

I was shattered when you broke my heart,
But at least I got a heart to beat,
Now I finally realize,
That it's not all about me!

Normally, I do not listen to hip-hop music (for which 3LW is well known), preferring other genres of music instead. Nonetheless, I am struck by the powerful insight underlying these simple lyrics.

In truth, 3LW has produced a wonderful little reminder of just how blessed most of us are. And also of just how thankful we should be, especially at this time of year.

*Source: These lyrics can be found at:
http://www.metrolyrics.com/its-not-all-about-me-lyrics-3lw.html.

YOU CAN DO IT!

11/21/2011

Ever so often, I am asked why I keep a little sticker with the numbers 6135 on my laptop. The answer to that question centers around a very important lesson I learned over forty years ago as a small boy.

I had gone to the county dump with my dad. While he was talking to the attendant (who was a friend of his), I was busy rummaging around. As I did, I found a discarded bicycle security chain with a combination lock. The lock, however, was closed, and thus the chain was essentially useless to anyone because the combination was unknown. No doubt, this was why it had been thrown away in the first place.

I eagerly retrieved the lock and took it home. I remember puzzling over the matter for several days. Could I get this thing open? If so, how? Was there a way to unlock this otherwise perfectly good bicycle chain lock? If so, I knew that I could make good use of it on my own bicycle.

As I pondered on this matter, I suddenly had a realization. The combination locking mechanism itself consisted of four tumblers in succession, each running from 0 to 9. I reasoned that if I started the combination sequence at 0000 and then moved to 0001 and then on to 0002, etc…, eventually, I would have to hit on the correct combination.

Thus, full of excitement, I ventured forth into what soon became a tedious process - one click at a time. I would try a number, and when it did not work, I would advance to the next one in the sequence. I repeated this process for days on end, never knowing what the next rotation held.

I remember to this day how my friends repeatedly questioned me. Was I crazy? Did I honestly think I would ever find the combination? Why on earth was I wasting my time and energy? Who would want to pursue such a pointless endeavor?

To be honest, at times I began to wonder the same things. Had I reasoned correctly? Was this really worth my time? Would I ever succeed? Days turned into weeks. I will admit that I was beginning to doubt my chances. Nonetheless, on I plodded, one turn at a time.

And then, suddenly, after 6134 previous attempts (6135 if you count 0000), the tumblers fell upon the properly numbered sequence, and… Voilà! The lock slid open! I had done it! And I was ecstatic! I had reasoned correctly. With little or no help from others, I had applied my own faculties in order to solve the problem; and then, with dogged determination, I had stayed with the task, even in the face of increasing questions and criticism.

As a result, I had found the solution. And the reward was most satisfying. It was also quite instructional. I learned a very important lesson that day. I learned that most any problem can be solved if you are willing to apply your God given talents and then go to work!

This little lesson has served me well in the ensuing years. Many a time I have come up against an obstacle, quite a few of which have seemed insurmountable. But in most every one of these situations, I have applied this same basic approach in search of a solution: the lesson of 6135.

What are you facing today? How insurmountable is your problem? While we cannot solve every single difficulty in our own strength, a great many of them we can. Usually, we just need to approach whatever issue we are facing responsibly, and then apply ourselves with determination and persistence.

And when we do come up against problems that we cannot solve on our own, we know that our God is capable of doing what we cannot. No doubt Paul had that very thought in mind when he said, “I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength.” (Phil. 4:13)

And now you know why I keep that little sticker on my laptop! I hope this little story helps you unlock a thing or two! In the meantime, keep plodding along! Eventually, things might just open right up!

SAY WHAT?!

11/18/2011

We have some members of our church who participate as instructors in a local ministry teaching English as a second language. My hat is off to them for what they do. I was recently reminded how difficult English might be to learn if it is not one’s own native tongue. I received this piece from a friend.

YOU THINK ENGLISH IS EASY?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. And, why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with ‘quick’?

Alas, English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Lastly, lovers of the English language might enjoy this.

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times, the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now, my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

Wow! I am sure glad I learned to speak English as I grew UP! I can only imagine how frustrating it might be to try and learn it as a second language.

One more thing. I am also glad that God chose to communicate with us in such a way that all of us can understand. There will always be matters of Christian Theology (especially in the finer points such as the intricacies of the Divine Incarnation of Jesus Christ) that are beyond our ability fully to comprehend. However, the essence of the Gospel has been communicated to us in such a way that, no matter what language in which it is shared, we can clearly grasp its message.

Thus, John 3:16 states clearly: "For God so loved the world, that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Even a child can grasp this!

CAN WE GET SOME LIGHT IN HERE?!

11/13/2011

I have been involved in some denominational meetings this week, helping to make decisions with consequences ranging from the far reaching to the trivial. I thought the following post would be well suited in light of this.

(No offense to Christians of any of these particular denominational or theological persuasions, excepting, of course, television evangelists.)

HOW MANY CHURCH FOLK DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?!?

Presbyterians: The Session will determine the exact number, and through the Reformed sacrament of light bulb changing, God will seal us in our light bulb changing service, renew our identity as the light bulb people of God, and will mark us for further light bulb changing service that will manifest the grace of God to the world.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Evangelical Frees: It all depends. We believe in liberty with responsibility and accountability, therefore changing the light bulb must be accomplished as one sees fit in the Lord, but this freedom always has its limitations and should not be abused such as changing the entire building’s light bulbs at one sitting.

Willow-Creeks: Varied. We do not wish to make you uncomfortable by presenting dogmatic and highly charged assertions about proper light bulb changing methods that may have turned you off in your past light bulb changing experiences. Please come and join us for a relaxed, informal, friendly atmosphere in hopes of turning you on to becoming a purpose-driven light bulb changer.

Roman Catholics: None. Vatican II dictated candles only.

Liberals: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

Legalists: 100. One to change the light bulb and 99 to monitor that the person changing the light bulb is a man who has not sold out to the flesh, that his hair is short and neatly trimmed, that he wears a white shirt with a coat and tie to church, does not watch TV, go to movies, dance, smoke, chew, or imbibe, does not listen to pop/rock/country/jazz music, and is not dating a worldly woman.

Charismatics: Only one, as his hands would already be up in the air. However, it is not necessary to replace a burned out bulb. Rather, burned out bulbs are healed through the five-fold ministry of light bulb regeneration! “Can I get a witness?”

Four-Squares: Four, of course. One to speak in a light-bulb changing language, one to interpret to English, one to discern whether these were the correct instructions, and one to change the bulb.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Calvary Chapels: As many as the Spirit may lead. We always seek a sound, balanced approach regarding the issue of changing light bulbs. We do not want to veer into the excesses of other groups’ light bulb changing experiences, but we also don’t want to deny the existence of miraculous light bulb changing methods. Not being a denomination, any Calvary Chapel may change light bulbs as long as it is not in direct conflict with the Word or Calvary Chapel’s distinctives.

Post-Moderns/Emergents: It’s up to you to figure it out. The old ways of changing light bulbs no longer apply. The society you now live in is not ‘your grandfather’s light bulb’, so adapt and find the best way to be relevant to today’s Gen-X and Gen-Y light bulb changers or find yourself the one being replaced.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need to change the light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulb changing works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb changing experience for next Sunday’s service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Word of Faiths: We all can. After being slain in the Spirit at a Holy Ghost revival meeting, God hears our faith-filled words spoken to the light bulb. God must obey the force of faith and light the bulb up again. Just keep repeating “I am a little light-bulb changer, I am a little light-bulb changer.”

Television Evangelists: One. But, for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

Nazarenes: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: One. And we want it known we are “protesting” the use of candles by the Catholics.

Independent Baptists: None. We haven’t changed since the 1950’s, let alone a light bulb. Besides, gathering any large group together, even for the purpose of light bulb changing, might be deemed ecumenical!

Southern Baptists: At least 16. One to change the light bulb, and three committees of five each to review the bulb change before recommending for or against its endorsement by the Deacons on the way to a special called church conference to discuss the matter.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

‘Nuff said?!?

I NEVER KNEW THAT!

11/11/2011

The following list of “Military Facts Not Commonly Known” was compiled by history buff, and retired United Sates Marine Corp Colonel, D. G. Swinford. As one person noted, one would “really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history”. I thought it would be an appropriate post for today, which is Veteran’s Day, 2011.

1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937); the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940); and the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the U.S. Army Air Corps.

2. The youngest U.S. serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, U.S.N. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by act of Congress.

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top U.S. Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced 'sink us'), the shoulder patch of the U.S. Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named 'Amerika'. All three were soon changed for public relations purposes.

4. More U.S. servicemen died in the Air Corps than in the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, one’s chance of being killed was 71%.

5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. One was either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese Fighter Ace, Hiroyoshi Nishizawa, shot down over 80 planes. Yet, he died while a passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every fifth round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics, so (at long- range) if one’s tracers were hitting the target, then 80% of one’s rounds were missing. Worse yet, tracers instantly told the enemy he was under fire and from which direction.

Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell one that he was out of ammo. This was definitely not something one wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When Allied armies reached the Rhine, the first thing men did was to urinate in it. This was a pretty universal practice, from the lowest private up to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and even Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).

8. German Me-264 long-range bombers were actually capable of bombing New York City; but the Germans decided it was not worth the effort.

9. A German submarine, U-120, was actually sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first 'Germans' captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been (1) forced to fight for the Japanese Army until (2) they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until (3) they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until (4) they were captured by the US Army.

11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore on Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the assault on the island. It could have been worse, if there had actually been any Japanese on the island.*

Wow! It is often amazing what we do not know about the history of warfare. It strikes me that it also amazing what all we do not know about our veterans who fought those wars.

I have personally had the experience of having known someone for years without ever having known about his or her service to our country. This is especially true as so many of our veterans are quite modest in regard to discussing what all they went through.

I encourage everyone to take a little time this Veteran’s Day weekend and spend it with a veteran or two. As you do, be sure to thank them for their service and for their sacrifice. I am quite sure that it will mean a lot to them.

By the way. While talking to them, you might just be amazed to find out what all they have been through. And you might just discover some personal stories “not commonly known”. Believe me; the reward will be well worth the effort.

*Source: http://www.military.com/NewContent/0,13190,Defensewatch
_111903_Lighter,00.html

RIDE THE TIDE

11/7/2011

A 19th century writer, Robert Richardson, once said:

There are three things no person can ever take back:
1. The arrow as it leaves the bow;
2. The spoken word as the leaves the mouth; and
3. The opportunity as it passes by.

Craig Smee talks about making the most of our God given opportunities in life. He says:

God makes sure that you have all the gifts needed to do special things for him; but He also makes sure that the opportunities arise for you to use them… You need to be in tune with Him, so as not to miss those opportunities.

He then tells the origin of the very word "opportunity":

In the days before modern harbors, a ship had to wait for high tide to make it into port. The process of timing this just right was called, in Latin, “ob portu”. The ship had to wait for just the right moment, or the skipper and his crew would have to wait for the tide to go completely through its cycle all over again in order to get into port.

It strikes me that both Robert and Craig are exactly right: God does indeed give us many “ob portu” moments with which to serve Him. These "high tides" of opportunity, though, are fleeting, and thus precious whenever they occur; because, once gone, they can never be reclaimed. Thus, we should make every effort to take advantage of them when they come our way.

In what way or ways has God gifted you? In what way or ways have you used that gift or gifts to serve Him? How many “ob portu” moments has He sent your way in the past? How many are before you even now? Do not miss the moment, my friend. Ride the tide!

WHEN YOUR HUT IS ON FIRE!

11/3/2011

Anyone out there having a bad week? When difficult days come, we so often find ourselves questioning God. But it is important to remember that, no matter how bad things may seem, God has not forgotten us. He is still at work in our lives.

Recently, my mother sent me a wonderful story that perfectly illustrates this truth. I decided to post it today as an encouragement to a few individuals whom I know which are going through particularly difficult stretches in their lives at this time. It may speak to you as well. I hope so.

The story is told of the only survivor of a shipwreck that found himself washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day, he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after being out looking for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky.

He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He felt the worst had happened, and that everything was now utterly lost. As a result, he cried out in anguish to 'God, “How could you do this to me?!?'

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island. He soon discovered to his absolute delight that it had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal!' they replied.

There is, of course, a moral in this story. It is so easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we should never lose heart. God is at work in our lives; even when, in the midst of our distress and suffering, we cannot sense His presence.

So, my friend, remember this little story the next time your own hut seems to be burning to the ground. Such an experience, while painful in itself, may just be the very smoke signal that summons the grace of God into your life!