Be advised! If you are one of those passengers, you will probably not get through your trip without a glitch or two. Long lines at flight check-ins and TSA screenings are only the beginning of sorrows. Flight delays and increasingly extended time sitting on tarmacs will invariably plague many travelers.
So, I thought I would do a little to help relieve the tension in advance by posting today some airline humor today. A web site titled www.Pilotfriend.com has a web page tiled Aviation Humor. It concludes several funny exchanges between cockpit personnel and air traffic controllers. Here are a few…
Pilot and Tower...
Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"
Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"
ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? "
Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating.
ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
(Heard on the radio - Really)
Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."
Just for everyone's information, Korso is a district of Vantaa, Finland.
It was a sunny day at EFHK (Helsinki-Vantaa) and a Finnair MD-11 was moving towards rwy 22L.
FIN MD: Tower, those photographers should be moved from their place...
Tower: Fin MD: They have permission for being (a short pause)
FIN MD: Tower: They really should be removed.
Tower: Fin MD: They really have permission... (a pause again)
Fin MD: Tower: We're lined up on rwy 22L. Remove those photographers.
Tower: Fin MD: For the last time. They have permission, so they won't be removed!
Fin MD: Tower: Ok then. Will be flying to Beijing and those boys will fly to Korso!
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Centre"
Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it's OK. He's not hungry.
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure...by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "National 63 cleared for takeoff...did you copy the report from Eastern?"
National 63: "Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff... yes, we've already notified our caterers."
Pilot: Oakland Ground, Cessna 1234 at Sierra Academy. Taxi, Destination Stockton
Ground: Cessna 1234, Taxi Approved, report leaving the airport
Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."
Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain."
Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100."
Tower: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain."
Pilot: "But four plus six is ten, isn't it?"
Tower: "You should climb, not add up."
A beautiful summer day with good thermals, near Billund airport, Denmark:
Billund ATC: "Gliders 82 and D5, state position and altitude?"
82: Overhead Coal Lake, 6400 feet."
D5: "Same position, same altitude."
ATC (cool, dry voice): "So should I go get my collision report form?"
Tower: "Mission 123, do you have problems?"
Pilot: "I think, I have lost my compass."
Tower: "Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!"
Controller: "CRX600, are you on course to SUL?"
Pilot: "More or less."
Controller: "So proceed a little bit more to SUL."
Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please."
Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours."
Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?"
Pilot: "In that case, cancel the good morning!"
On a serious note, most all people experience increased mounts of stress during travel. And as followers of Jesus Christ, you and I will be little different. But one way to lessen the stress of this otherwise hectic process is to view it as an opportunity for bona fide ministry.
In the midst of all the stress, a bit of humor, a sympathetic word, or an extra act of kindness extended to a stranger will go a long way toward touching his or her soul. And this may very well provide an opportunity for sharing more about the love of Jesus Christ. Doing this will thereby redeem the whole stressful situation, and very likely improve not only the life of the person or persons you encounter, but also your own life as well.
Besides, speaking of those who fly a lot, Hebrews 13:2 reminds us: “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”
SOURCE: These and a great many others can be found at: http://www.pilotfriend.com/humour/jokes/twr.htm.