No doubt in anticipation of Micah and Jordan's upcoming nuptials, our daughter, Andrea, sent out the following piece by e-mail this past week to the whole family. I thought I would post it here in honor of Micah and Jordan. Enjoy.
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. I soon noticed a distinct slowdown in my overall system performance, particularly in the “flower and jewelry applications”, which had previously operated so flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5; after which it then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; and any attempt to run House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system outright. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter the command: “I thought you loved me.html”; then download Tears 6.2; and be sure to install the latest Guilt 3.0 update.
If these applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5 as Boyfriend 5.0 did.
However, please remember that overuse of the above applications can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or even worse, Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download numerous other attachments, such as the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0. (It runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will invariably crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program; but it does have limited memory, and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve its memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.