This week, I thought I would share a little humor. My wife was out of town this past weekend visiting our kids at college. That left me in charge of Diesel, our black Labrador Retriever dog, and Rudy, our Turkish Angora mixed cat. The two of them are entertaining to say the least. They each have their own personality. It is also truly amazing to see just how different they are.
Whether you are a pet owner or not, you will probably appreciate the following (fictional) excerpts from the diary of two such pets. (I first found this in the June, 2002 edition of the Smoky Mountain Mensa Newsletter, Volume 25, Number 6.) Enjoy these...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day Number 180
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 181
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 182
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - o00000o....bath....bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. I must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... I must try this in their bed.
DAY 765 - I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the things they were consuming. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." I must learn what this is, and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may in fact be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Whether you are a pet owner or not, you will probably appreciate the following (fictional) excerpts from the diary of two such pets. (I first found this in the June, 2002 edition of the Smoky Mountain Mensa Newsletter, Volume 25, Number 6.) Enjoy these...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day Number 180
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 181
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON- OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day Number 182
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
NOON - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - o00000o....bath....bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. I must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... I must try this in their bed.
DAY 765 - I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good cat I was. Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the things they were consuming. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." I must learn what this is, and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may in fact be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...