Last year (on 01/07/2013), I shared a piece titled “T’was the Time after Christmas”. A similar bit came my way this week by way of my wife. I thought it apropos for today’s post; for even though it is written from a woman’s perspective, most men can relate as well. It is titled:
T’WAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS
‘Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled,
the fudge I did taste,
all the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales,
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store,
(less a walk than a lumber).
I remembered the marvelous
meals I’d prepared,
the gravies and sauces
and beef nicely rare.
The pies and the cakes,
the bread and the cheese,
and the way I never said,
"No thank you please."
As I dressed myself
in my husband’s old shirt,
and prepared once again
to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself,
as I only can,
"You can’t spend the winter
disguised as a man!"
So away with the last
of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food
that I like must be banished,
‘till all the additional
ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie,
not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew
on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits,
or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot
and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome,
and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what
January is for?
Unable to giggle,
no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all
and to all a good diet!
So, have yourself a merry little week after Christmas. For the month after Christmas is coming; and the prospects for cheer don’t look too promising!
SOURCE: Available widely on the internet. For example, see http://www.dezert-rose.com/humor/christmas/diet.html.
I chose this particular site to show as a source because it includes lots of other clean Christmas humor as well.
T’WAS THE MONTH AFTER CHRISTMAS
‘Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled,
the fudge I did taste,
all the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales,
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store,
(less a walk than a lumber).
I remembered the marvelous
meals I’d prepared,
the gravies and sauces
and beef nicely rare.
The pies and the cakes,
the bread and the cheese,
and the way I never said,
"No thank you please."
As I dressed myself
in my husband’s old shirt,
and prepared once again
to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself,
as I only can,
"You can’t spend the winter
disguised as a man!"
So away with the last
of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food
that I like must be banished,
‘till all the additional
ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie,
not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew
on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits,
or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot
and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome,
and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what
January is for?
Unable to giggle,
no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all
and to all a good diet!
So, have yourself a merry little week after Christmas. For the month after Christmas is coming; and the prospects for cheer don’t look too promising!
SOURCE: Available widely on the internet. For example, see http://www.dezert-rose.com/humor/christmas/diet.html.
I chose this particular site to show as a source because it includes lots of other clean Christmas humor as well.